5 questions to help overcome loneliness

Feeling lonely is never fun. But, feeling lonely when surrounded by supportive friends and family is especially difficult.

If there was no one in your life, it would be an easy problem to solve; go out and meet some new people. But, feeling alone when you’re actually not is a tricky issue to solve, and the loneliness can become engulfing.

I suggest we go within. 

There was a time in my life, not so long ago, when I struggled with loneliness. Looking for the pattern that created the loneliness I asked myself, “What is creating this loneliness when I am not alone?

When I asked myself this question, I was profoundly saddened to see that I had a natural tendency to protect myself with a façade of sweetness. The façade was a wall that protected me from hurt (which there was a lot of in my past). This worked in a way. If no one knew who I truly was, then no one could hurt me.

The wall was between me and everyone I interacted with. And I mean everyone. With my lover and my barista, with my mother and every man on the street, the wall was there. I could give off a honey-sweet, sunshine-warmth projection, but behind the wall was the lonely soul that was waiting to be seen.

My relationship to others was sweet love, a warm smile, and a glass wall. Although you can see me and I can see you, it’s not safe for you to feel me or to know me, so this wall will protect me because you might hurt me.

The real me—my soul—tried scaling the wall, digging under it, breaking through it. But the wall was too strong. Soon she gave up. Leaning against the wall with her head in her hands, she cried.

Loneliness ensued.

Discovering the wall was heart-breaking. But it was also heart-opening. Once I knew it was there, I could work to take it down. Love and life flowed into my soul when that wall came down.

I find questions to be the best bulldozer. Here are a few for you to consider:

How am I engaging with loneliness, and how can I meet my loneliness with love? 

What would my heart feel like if I took down the wall? 

If my heart was full of love, joy, happiness, and passion, how would I be living?

When I engage with people, what would it look like if my intention was to create a genuine connection?

Who are the people that my soul wants to genuinely connect with?

Asking these and similar questions will create space for your mind to create more of what you seek. Genuine connections. Love. Joy. 

Very Big Love,