{gem of the present} destruction & freedom

gem-present

Rewind seven years :: I began to see how much my life was governed by fear. The whole show—cast, crew, & stage—was built upon the perilous foundation of fear.

I thought it all had to be destroyed.

So that’s what I did. Relationships ended, pets were adopted, friendships disintegrated, assets were divided, jobs were left, and my sense of self was shattered.

I peered intently at the foundation, made some changes, and rebuilt.

Maybe it had to happen that way for that situation; but now I know there’s a better process.

I find myself looking at the places in my life where fear has crept in again, and because I know better, I can do better.

I’m looking at fear for what it is, I’m acknowledging what it’s trying to do, and I’m seeing a less devastating way out of it.

I have the freedom to make choices that are not based in fear. I can reclaim the territory that fear took over without destroying everything. I can uncover the coping strategies that I created in order to manage the fear, and I can choose not to use them anymore.

I’m not going to lie; sometimes it’s an unpleasant experience. But I know it’s a worthy pursuit because it’s the only way to liberation and love.

xo

 
  • Such beautiful gems of wisdom Gemma.  I can so relate to this heartfelt share, as you well know.  “I can reclaim the territory that fear took over without destroying everything. I can uncover the coping strategies that I created in order to manage the fear, and I can choose not to use them anymore.”Looking at all that “I” have created in fear: fear of failure, success, rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, hurting others feelings – all these fears have kept me repeating patterns over and over again.  I am slowly seeing the coping strategies I created to manage it: listening to others vs my own intuition, doing things to gain acknowledgment for the wrong reasons, putting myself in situations that create overwhelm, and putting everything else above me and my own health. I put my stake in the ground three weeks ago, after a huge wake up call – one I have experienced a few times before.  This time however, I am choosing a healthier path.  Creating boundaries, focusing on myself first, family second and everything else after that.  Working to find the route cause of the repeating self-sabotaging patterns that show up – it’s time to stop the cycle.  Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and wisdom.  Your willingness to share with such eloquence and raw beauty.You are a gift to me Gem in so many ways.  So proud of you. Love you Lee xox