{gem of the present} on saying ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’

gem-present

 

There was a time in my life when I said yes when I wanted to say no.

All. The. Time.

I was afraid of rejection, abandonment, judgment, conflict, disappointment. I desperately avoided the messiness of life {or thought I did}.

In order to do this I had to deny, repress, and numb parts of myself. I was well trained in the fine art of self-sacrifice.

I convinced myself I was simply passionate about life – a ‘yes’ woman.

Fast forward to today. With the help of wise friends, seasoned mentors, and loving family I now know myself. I now step into the messiness of life with less fear and more {self}love.

I know now that when I agree to anything my spirit doesn’t want, I suffer. And, so do the people that know me and love me.

I see now that the rewards of compliance come at a great risk – and it’s no longer one I am willing to take.

I see many people standing at this same crossroads – choose the path of being who ‘they’ want you to be, or choose the path of being who you want to be.

Being who you want to be may result in conflict with others. Being who they want you to be is conflict with yourself, which can lead to the most devastating consequences – an unlived, unauthentic, unfulfilled life.

As a recovering conflict avoider, I have come to understand that no matter what path I take there will be conflict.

If I choose the path of avoiding conflict with others, then I default to the path in which there is conflict with myself. And. If I choose the path that allows me to resolve the conflict with myself, then I default to the path where, eventually, there will be conflict with others.

The true self can weather the storm of conflict that comes as a natural part of living this adventure called life.

Be yourself.

Speak your truth with love.

Resist the urge to temper the truth and dampen your true self.

Practicing this doesn’t have to be catastrophic; it can be as simple as deciding what restaurant you want to go to or which movie you want to watch.

If you honor who you are, you will bump against people who want you to be something else. If you become what they want you to be, you will bump up against your true self, who will be annoyed by your lack of authenticity.

I humbly suggest that it’s preferable to live with the occasional discomfort that comes from being in conflict with others than with the suffering and resentment that comes from being in conflict with oneself.

Truth & love,

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