when yes becomes no

Changing my mind is edgy for me because I value integrity.

My mentor, Larry, taught me a valuable lesson about integrity. Here’s the quickie version of the story ::

I rescheduled my weekly meeting with Larry four weeks in a row. When we finally met, he taught me how important it is to do what you say you’re going to do — it’s respectful, it’s necessary for trust, it strengthens integrity.
 
And then, he told me he was dying.
 

The value of integrity was seared into my soul in that moment.

I turned my lesson from Larry into a prison of fear. Once I made a commitment I would stick to it no matter what. It didn’t matter if the terms changed, the relationship deteriorated or the job made me want to drive off a bridge. Fear would lead me to believe once I made the decision, said yes, signed my name, I was committed. Forever and ever.

And then, I woke up.

Integrity doesn’t mean, do what you say you’re going to do no matter what {my fearful interpretation}. It means to have strong moral and ethical principles; to be honest.

If I am being honest, I will speak my truth with love. I will live by my Sacred Yes and Honoring No.

My sacred yes transformed into a honoring no this week.

As a recovering people pleaser speaking my truth, if I am uncertain how it will be received, still makes my heart beat a little faster.

Here’s how it went down ::

Dear {person I said yes to and now I’m saying no to},
 
I really enjoyed our in person connection in Portland. You are a person of strength and curiosity and I really appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable. 
 
When you asked to reschedule this morning I felt annoyed because we’ve rescheduled multiple times and I care deeply about ease, integrity and using my most precious resource {time} wisely.
 
For these reasons, I’m going to say no to rescheduling.
 
I wish you heaps of success and, of course, love.
 
With respect.
For you and for me.
gem
…..

In case you’ve been waiting for it – you have permission to change your mind.

Change is the basis of the universe.
The seasons change.
The stars change.
We change.
 

Change is in our DNA. And yet, as a society, we are afraid of change.

We cover up medical breakthroughs because it contradicts what we thought we knew, it takes 15 years for new science to replace old science, we get married when our feelings have changed because we agreed to be engaged, we graduate with degrees we don’t want because we started them, we stay in jobs we hate because we signed a contract.

What is right for you in this moment may change in the next. Allowing fear to make you wrong about following your truth causes unnecessary suffering and struggle.

When you are facing a crossroads {saying yes or saying no} allow your mind to adventure down both paths.

Which feels more truthful?
Which honors what deeply matters to you?
Which supports you in feeling the way you want to feel?
 

As you learn, grow and evolve you will re-chart your course many times. You weren’t off track. You just changed.

Your Great Life requires evolution and constant realignment.

Let things fall apart. Embrace the mess.

It is fear that says changing your mind is a sign of weakness.
It is fear that says changing your mind means you’ve failed.
Fear is a liar. Most of the time.

 

These are not failures ::

  • Moving across the country {or to another country} for a job and moving back when you realize the job wasn’t right for you.
  • Switching your degree when your interests change.
  • Committing to atheism and then becoming a spiritual guru {or reverse it}.
  • Starting a business, realizing it’s not your thing & shutting it down.
  • Saying goodbye when the relationship is no longer in alignment {even if you signed a contract}.
  • Being a steadfast vegetarian and then eating meat at your best friend’s birthday.
  • Staying when you said you would leave.
  • Saying no after you said yes.
  • Saying yes after you said no.

Conscious living is not for the faint of heart. Take the first step even if you don’t know where the path will lead.

 
Be brave.
Follow your truth.
Change your mind.